What Happened When My Church Decided To Start Marrying Gay People
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What Happened When My Church Decided To Start Marrying Gay People
Posted on January 19, 2015 by theboeskool
Some see this as a cause for celebration, others see this as a cause for separation.
Some see this as a cause for celebration, others see this as a cause for separation.A week ago, the Church that my family and I attend came out (so to speak) as completely open and affirming of those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning. This was a little bit of a shock to me…. Not because I didn’t want it to happen (I wrote some thoughts about Gay Marriage a couple of years ago. You can read them HERE), but because I thought our Church was ALREADY open and affirming. Turns out it wasn’t. It was welcoming. It was definitely never judgmental or condemning. But when they started a conversation about the Church’s response to LGBTQ people a couple years ago, they didn’t have a policy of full inclusion–LGBTQ people could be members and get baptized and take communion, but as far as taking positions of leadership, baby dedication, and marriage, those parts of church life were not extended…. Anyway, that all changed this last Sunday.
Now, some of you probably just got upset when you read that first paragraph…. Probably for different reasons. Some of you got upset that a Church (in your head, you might have put air quotes around the word “Church”) would be “preaching” the false gospel that God loves gay people every bit as much as he loves the rest of us, and that someone could be so completely theologically deceived as to think God might bless the union of a same-sex couple. Others of you might have gotten upset at the fact that a Church that claims to follow Jesus could have operated for so long with such a clearly discriminatory policy toward the LGBTQ community, essentially giving gay members of the Church three fifths of a vote when it comes to being part of the Body of Christ. I understand both of those points of view.
If the words of this book are so stinking clear, then why are there almost 40,000 different Christian denominations in the world?
If the words of this book are so stinking clear, then why are there almost 40,000 different Christian denominations in the world?Some of you out there may have experience with this sort of process. It’s nothing new in the life of the Church. When I was a kid, the denomination I grew up in started questioning whether or not women could be in positions of leadership. Women were allowed to work in the nursery and teach the kids, but the Bible their interpretation of the Bible seemed to prohibit female leaders. While the Church wrestled with this issue, there were some congregations who started letting women be Deacons, and others even had female Elders (!!!). There was talk (in my very sheltered world) of some congregations that even had women Pastors–as oxymoronic as those words felt together…. And as congregations moved toward inclusion, people were alienated on both sides of the issue. And people left. Some left because they felt the Church they loved had abandoned “the clear teachings of scripture,” and others left because they felt the Church they loved had abandoned them, and the clear calling they felt on their life. Others stayed….
People who live in black & white worlds don’t always understand spectrums….
People who live in black & white worlds don’t always understand spectrums….Some of us have a very clear view of what is right and what is wrong. Then there are some who are in the middle…. the “undecideds.” If one side says “RED” and the other side says “BLUE,” there are always plenty of people who say/ask “PURPLE?” Some Reds can have grace for Purples, and some Blues can have grace for Purples, but it’s often very hard for Reds and Blues to have grace for each other. Some people are so hardcore certain about RED or hardcore certain about BLUE that to even hint that PURPLE might be a possibility is seen as a betrayal. And don’t even THINK of trying to explain that the colors between Red and Blue are might actually be Green, Yellow, and Orange…. Or that there are actually all different kinds of light outside of the visible spectrum that we can’t even see. The Church is like this.
Even Papa Frank disagrees with me on this. That’s alright…. I still love him.
Even Papa Frank disagrees with me on this. That’s alright…. I still love him.There are Churches out there who are Blue on the issue of full inclusion for people who LGBTQ. There are some who are Red and will never be anything else. And there are a growing number of Churches who are increasingly Purple. It’s important to remember that some of these issues are complicated–even when they no longer feel complicated to you. And the measure of the grace in our own hearts is how we respond to people who have landed at a different place than you did. The hard part is being able to love even the people who have come to a different conclusion than you. For some people (people like me), it is easy to love the one who is way outside the group…. But I have a lot less grace for people in my own group. I feel like they should know better.
It’s not easy for Church leadership to take a stand on something that they know is going to cause division. Some might try to simplify it into just “doing the right thing.” But when doing what you believe is right cause people you love–people with whom you are in community–to feel like they must leave, it’s never as simple as people make it out to be. I mean, when it got out that World Vision decided to hire gay Christians, there were so many people who pulled sponsorships that it threatened their mission. Then again, sometimes staying in the middle can cause people on either on both sides of the issue to feel the need to find another Church home. If an issue that divides people were simple, it probably wouldn’t be an issue that divides people.
The Bible tells that the rainbow was a sign of the covenant between God and ALL THE CREATURES OF THE EARTH.
The Bible tells that the rainbow was a sign of the covenant between God and ALL THE CREATURES OF THE EARTH.When our pastor made the announcement that our Church would no longer discriminate against people who are LGBTQ and even extend the Sacrament of Marriage to gay couples, he conceded that some might feel the need to leave. When talking about those possibly differing journeys, he said, “May we commit to those journeys knowing that the greatest guide is the guide of love.” Many stood and cheered. Some stayed in their seats. All of us were loved by God. I felt bad for the folks who stayed in their seats–it must have been hard for them, and I know it wasn’t out of a place of hatred…. But as hard as it was to see those people who–for whatever reason–were unable to stand, it made it easier for me when I looked around and saw a bunch of face of folks who are gay, standing side-by-side with allies who are committed to following Jesus with all people, regardless of their sexual orientation. There are many safe places for people to land who believe that the Church should be in the business of condemning people in committed, same-sex relationships…. There are not that many safe places for people to land who are gay and somehow manage to really love Jesus at the same time.
I am so proud of my Church.
And I can think of no better time to write about the civil rights of our gay brothers and sisters than on the national holiday set aside to remember and celebrate the life of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Many people don’t know this, but right up until she died, his wife Coretta Scott King, worked very hard for the cause of equal rights for people who are LGBTQ. I’ll leave you with her words, still ringing like freedom….
“I still hear people say that I should not be talking about the rights of lesbian and gay people, and I should stick to the issue of racial justice. But I hasten to remind them that Martin Luther King Jr. said, ‘Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’ I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream to make room at the table of brother- and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people.” ~ Coretta Scott King
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Some see this as a cause for celebration, others see this as a cause for separation.
A week ago, the Church that my family and I attend came out (so to speak) as completely open and affirming of those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning. This was a little bit of a shock to me…. Not because I didn’t want it to happen (I wrote some thoughts about Gay Marriage a couple of years ago. You can read them HERE), but because I thought our Church was ALREADY open and affirming. Turns out it wasn’t. It was welcoming. It was definitely never judgmental or condemning. But when they started a conversation about the Church’s response to LGBTQ people a couple years ago, they didn’t have a policy of full inclusion–LGBTQ people could be members and get baptized and take communion, but as far as taking positions of leadership…
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Teaching Your Kids To Swear
new swear word the other day. While we were eating dinner, he let us know that a friend wrote a swear word on a piece of paper and showed it to him. My wife asked him what the word was, and he was very hesitant to share…. But after a little prodding, he confided that that his friend had written “The F-Word” (Yikes, right? The BIG one!). To which our oldest daughter responded, “Oh, I know what it is…. Does it end with a T?” Leading me to immediately assume she was talking about the word “FART,” which would be so much better than the F-Word with which I am familiar (Some might say I’m a little TOO familiar with it). When she hinted that there was an A in the middle, I was still thinking “FART,” but then finally she whispered, “You know…. FAT.”
“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.” ~ George Carlin
“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.” ~ George CarlinI was so enamored by her innocence–That our sweet little public school kid would be so careful with her words to think that she had to whisper the word “fat” to us. I think that the level of the stuff we are exposed to depends more on the other kids in your class than it does on your school. A good friend with a kid in Christian school told me a story about his child telling of a “naughty” classmate who said “The S-Word.” When asked to be a little more specific, the child said, “You know…. S-H…?” Turns out the word was “Shut up.” I, on the other hand, spent my whole life going to a Christian school, but I’m pretty sure by fourth grade we were very familiar with words that would have made George Carlin blush. And there were probably quite a few different F-Words on that list, but “FAT” was not one of them.
Anyway, the “F-word” that was written on a note to my son was the word “FLUCKING.” Which as far as swear words are concerned, the more I think about it, is pretty flucking awesome.
Privates, groin, nuts, balls…. These words are all synonyms.
Privates, groin, nuts, balls…. These words are all synonyms.We can’t protect our kids from all the naughty kids and all the swear words in the world. I remember when my boy was old enough to read but still needed some help in the bathroom, and we went into a public restroom with some colorful language written on the walls, but no matter where I positioned myself, I couldn’t stand between him and all those F-Words…. At least not without covering his eyes completely. And it wasn’t that long ago, after his little sister kicked him between the legs and I asked him what happened, that he first declared, “She kicked me in the NUTS!” Up until that day, any talk of that area of his body was only referred to as “my privates.” But when your little sister kicks you between the legs, “She kicked me in the privates!” does not get the point across nearly as well as “She kicked me in the NUTS!” Anyone who has ever gotten kicked in the nuts knows that….
After the flucking disclosure, I got serious with the kids for a little bit. And I talked to them about words. It was one of those rare times where I felt like I said something that made sense to them. So I decided to share it with you, just in case you’d like to use it yourself (I should mention that I am a little less proud of myself than I was a minute ago, because I just Googled “Words are like a hammer,” and there are 49,500 results. And there I was, thinking that I came up with something new…. Oh well). Here is the gist of what I said:
Please Hammer, don’t hurt ’em!
Please Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em!Words are neither good nor bad…. Words are tools. Words are like a hammer. You can use a hammer to build something up or tear something down, but how it is used depends of the person swinging the hammer. We are the ones who are in control of the tools–Not the other way around. When we decide that there are some words we can’t say, we give those words the power to control us…. But we are not controlled by words–We are the ones who are in control. When we are at our best, we are using our words to build a person up, and when we are at our worst, we are using our words to tear a person down. Words are very powerful, but it is the heart behind the words that determines how that power is used. Very early on, we learn the word “Pig,” but that word–that tool–used by someone with the wrong heart can take that little three-letter word and hurt someone way deeper than with any word we think is so “naughty” that we feel the need to whisper it or only refer to it by its first letter.
Anyway, I think that is a good way to explain swearing to kids. I talked to them about how there are times where some words are less appropriate than others, but no matter the situation, WE are always the ones in control of the words. We give them power, and we can take that power away too. There are some words that have become so painful to certain groups that even an attempt to wield them with good intentions can still cause unneeded pain, and it’s okay to LET THOSE WORDS GO… Words like faggot and nigger and retard–Cruel and painful words that have evolved into a tool that only seems to have one purpose. But even those words mustn’t have power over us. They are like guns: We pick them up to put them away…. hopefully for good.
And for my first miracle, I’d like to keep this party going a little bit longer….
And for my first miracle, I’d like to keep this party going a little bit longer….So, last week a very good friend turned 40. At his birthday party, many of us stood and made toasts. We stood with drinks in our hands (alcohol is another tool we have been given–and just like any other tool, it can be rightly used or it can be misused), and we shared our words and raised our glasses. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I do remember finishing by looking at my friend and saying, “You are fucking fantastic.” And you know what? It was a holy time. I chose my words carefully, and I meant it. If Jesus himself was standing in that room with me in the flesh, I wouldn’t have said it any differently (The only difference would have been that maybe the wine would have probably been a little better). Still, this doesn’t mean that I’m going to start dropping the F-Bomb in front of my kids–Not even “Flucking.” There is a time and a place for words like that…. And that time and place is called High School.
The missing letters are actually U-B-U. Get your head out of the gutter….
My son came home from school with a new swear word the other day. While we were eating dinner, he let us know that a friend wrote a swear word on a piece of paper and showed it to him. My wife asked him what the word was, and he was very hesitant to share…. But after a little prodding, he confided that that his friend had written “The F-Word” (Yikes, right? The BIG one!). To which our oldest daughter responded, “Oh, I know what it is…. Does it end with a T?” Leading me to immediately assume she was talking about the word “FART,” which would be so much better than the F-Word with which I am familiar (Some might say I’m a little TOO familiar with it). When she hinted that there was an A in…
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joe brown 